Then it begins, The seemingly innocent messages that mean nothing. The little how are you texts, that end in a kiss instead of a question mark. Those how was your day questions that only you ask. I won't tell you how i am. I can't tell you how i feel. I'm clinging onto reality one fingernail at a time, while you with every kind word dangle unreachable possibilities in front of my face.
"maybe we can meet and catch up." you say.
i manage to type,
" what would people think :). " jokingly even though my hands are shaking.
" so let's give them something to talk about xx." comes the next message.
I think i've stopped breathing. I feel like a clumsy teenager again, all shaking hands and raging hormones.
"Meaning x " i have managed to type one word while my insides do flips waiting for a reply.
"What ever you want it to mean xx." comes the cryptic reply.
Bloody games.
Every waking moment i'm trying to forget you. Putting clothes away i find one of your t shirts stuffed at the back of a drawer out of sight. i resist the urge to take it out and sniff it just incase it smells of you. I close the drawer so quickly i nearly trap my fingers in it.
That night i dream that i'm lying in a bubble bath. I open my eyes and there you are sitting on the floor at the end of the bathroom watching me. You tell me that you've missed me. I can sense that there are other people in the house, but when i wake next morning the only thing i remember is you.
My mind is playing a dangerous game. I'm not sure how i will survive this without breaking.
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